Upcoming Ultrasound

I got the blood test results back from the doctor today and my HCG levels (hormone levels) went up, which most likely means that I am still pregnant. We are trying very hard not to get our hopes up too much, but at the same time miracles do happen. I will have an ultra sound on Friday to see if there might be a baby. Pray hard!

Birthday Wishes

I couldn't ask for any more wonderful things for my birthday today. We got our new memory foam mattress (which we slept on last night), I went shopping by myself last night and found a new bedspread, and I had a manicure this morning. And I get to spend the day with Dan and the girls!

Tough Conversations

Yesterday Mya asked about the baby in my belly and I had to quickly decide what I was going to tell her. I told her that the baby wasn't in my belly anymore and that the baby was able to go to heaven with God. She seemed content with that answer so that was all that was said. Tonight we were coming home from visiting Grandpa Jack and Mya asked if God was going to take her to heaven. Then she said that she wanted to go to heaven. Oh boy, how do you explain that one to a two year old? Dan and I tried our best to tell her that God wants her to live with mommy and daddy instead of going to heaven right now. We told her that God needed to take the baby in mommy's belly because he needed him to go to heaven now. Then she asked if God would keep her safe? I think she worries about this God person coming and taking her away, yet she wants to know what this heaven place is all about. That must be so confusing for a little one to understand. Once we told her that God wanted her to live with us she seemed fine and the talk ended. I can't wait to tell her one day why God takes people to heaven. Then we can start to help her understand what it means to accept Christ. That will be cool!

Today I had my hormone levels checked and they will be re-checked again on Saturday. This will tell me for sure if there is a miscarriage. The crazy thing is that I had to ask to have these checked. The doctor was going to do a D&C (which I recently learned is not spelled DNC) without completely confirming the diagnosis. I don't understand that. I respect my doctor, but it seems like things were done out of order. Anyway, I am sure I will know the results by Monday (hopefully). In the meantime, I just continue to wait and trust in the Lord.

A New Day

I am so grateful that God continues to forgive us and give us new days. Yesterday I made a snap decision to have a D&C because I wanted this whole miscarriage thing over and done with. Without praying about it, I called the doctor and scheduled the surgery for today. But as the night went on the Lord continued to show me in so many ways that the surgery wasn't the way to do. If for any reason there is that 1% chance that the doctor is wrong about the baby not being there, I couldn't stomach having a D&C. So the best way to go now is wait it out and let my body take care of things. That is what we are doing now...just waiting. And grieving. As the day goes on I am hit with different emotions. Sometimes I am doing really well and other times I just break into tears. I am filled with sadness with the loss of our baby and I do need to grieve those emotions. But I am also grateful that God has a plan. He will do good things through this tough time. He already has shown me how much love and support I have around me. Not to mention the fact that my husband has been so loving and compassionate towards me when I am emotional. I am grateful for all that God is giving me. And if anything, I also feel so much more thankful for the two beautiful girls that He already gave us.

God's Plan

I went to the doctor today and found out that I had a miscarriage. When the pregnancy happened the baby never developed. My body thinks that I am pregnant but there is no baby. Please keep us in your prayers as we recooperate from getting this news today. I will have a D&C tomorrow morning in Wooster.

Craziness

Things in our life are a little crazy right now and I haven't taken the time to take pictures of the girls or write on my blog. And boy are the girls growing up! We have a lot going on in our lives with the commitments that I have (MOPS coordinator, developing curriculum for parenting classes, nursery director at church). It has been a very busy summer. And Dan's grandpa is ill so we have been visiting him a lot lately. We are so sad to see him not doing well. He is under the care of Hospice right now and was taken to the Hospice facility on Thursday. Please keep Grandpa Jack in your prayers. And then there is the fact that we are having baby number three and live in a small house. So we have been house hunting a little. We can survive here with three kids, but it will be tight. We are just praying for God's guidance on our house. We absolutely love the house that we live in so we are grateful for that.

I go to see the baby doctor on Monday to find out the due date. I am very excited to see when that will be. It has been hard not to focus on feeling anxiety about the baby's health. I always worry until I see the baby on the ultrasound. I can't wait to see the little heartbeat.

Here are some cute pictures of the girls.

Mya's Prayer

"Dear God, thank you for Mommy. God made the ocean. God made the beach. God, thank you for keeping me safe. Dear God please keep me safe. I love you. Amen!"

Wedding Pictures

Before we left for vacation, Dan was in a family wedding. I got to spend time with my sister in laws and the girls had a blast at the reception dancing.

Vacation

We made it back from Hilton Head all in one piece. We started the trip off by driving through the night last Saturday and arrived in Hilton Head around 7:30 AM. The girls slept through the night and made the trip easy. I was not excited about driving through the night, but it turned out just fine. Dan and I took turns sleeping and driving and we did just fine. Dan took a five hour energy shot and had quite a bit of energy at 3:00 in the morning. It was quite comical. Here are pictures of all of us in the car.

The girls had a wonderful time on the trip. We stayed in a condo with Dan's brother and his wife. The condo was not right on the beach so in order to spend time there we had to pack everything up and ride our bikes (with the kids) to the beach. We did this one time on Monday and decided never to do it again. We had a beach tent, towels, sunblock, and food. It was not worth the effort and the kids had a miserable time. I was so bummed because I love being on the beach. But the next day we figured out that we could spend an hour or so at the pool in the morning and then ride the kids to the beach without any gear. They already had sunblock on, had a snack, and didn't need towels because it was so hot. Then all of us could enjoy the beach for an hour and go back to the condo for lunch and naps. This routine worked out so well that we continued it through the week! Mya and Sara quickly learned that the beach was a fun place to be. It became difficult to get Mya out of the ocean once she got used to it. She loved jumping in the waves and Sara loved digging in the sand. In the evenings we explored the island and ate at restaurants. It was wonderful not to cook for a week!

Handsome Dan